Harvest (while still sowing)

I’ve always loved the idea of a harvest dinner with loved ones as the days get short–celebrating squash, apples, mushrooms, and whatever fall in the region dishes up–but the actuality can be difficult. When I was young, Thanksgivings leaned toward the terrible. My siblings and mother and I felt giddy in 2012 when my right-wing father was no longer in the picture to gloat or rage, depending on the results of the most recent election. The wheel has turned a few times since then. I like as well as love everyone at the table now and am fully grateful to be gathering, although it’s in the shadow of loss, and we still bring a buffet of dysfunctions and bad feelings to the feast. I’m just more optimistic now that the conflicts within and among us can eventually be resolved–on the personal side, if not the national.

In my academic calendar, Thanksgiving Break is the first full week without teaching or meetings since August, so it’s often a time of reflection for me. We went up to NYC for 3 nights then NJ for 3 nights: downside, lots of driving; upside, we saw a lot of dear people and it was impossible for me to work (much). I thought a lot about the semester that’s nearly behind me and the winter ahead. It’s been hard to juggle grant applications for a projected sabbatical, festival/ conference/ bookstore applications and other tasks toward the launch of Mycocosmic, ongoing health stuff, and the usual heaping plates of academic work. I feel starved for just a little time, even a couple of hours a week, to nudge ahead newer creative projects. Yet dessert is coming.

These efforts are still underway but there’s been some positive yield. I’m thrilled to be included in a talented roster of 2025-2026 fellows for a 3-night SWWIM Residency at The Betsy Hotel in Miami. I was rejected by the NEA, as expected, and two other residency programs. I only have a serious shot at being chosen for funded residencies when I’m available during the less popular months of fall-winter-spring–on sabbatical, basically–so while I have one more residency application pending, that’s it. I won’t be applying again for years. Magazine rejections have been trickling in, too, although mostly the please-try-us-again kind, and I know enough about editing now to really appreciate those.

Difficult feelings mixed with love and gratitude, again. Tis the season.