For she is of the tribe of Tiger

For I will consider my Kitten Ursula.

For she is the servant of Chthonic Forces and daily serving them.

For she detests clocks and smashes them so I may no longer be ruled by Time.

For with supernatural quickness she jumps upon my plate and eats my breakfast eggs.

For all ping-pong has become Cat Pong, with Ursula perched upon the table the better to intercept each ball with unholy dexterity.

For I used to consider Poe a handful.

For she is teaching me many lessons by scratching them upon my hands in hieroglyphics.

For first she laps tea from my unattended cup.

For secondly she jumps upon Poe with her legs splayed then bites him on the neck while he meekly submits.

For thirdly however high we store the ping-pong balls she will find them, so don’t place them near vases or computers.

For fourthly I apologize, Christopher Smart, I am too exhausted by Ursula to continue this list you inspired.

For last night while I slept Ursula chewed my phone off its charger, knocked it off the counter, and dragged it to her wildcat cave, meaning under the table, where she also stores stuffed animals she kills again and again because they deserve it.

For Stephanie calls her U-Slay-R.

For the phone was Ursula’s chief competitor so she lay in wait then dominated it.

For she is tenacious of her point.

For if you do not hear from me come look for me under the table.

For we all are studying how best to show her obeisance which may in the end be insufficient, although we thank the Chthonic Forces for giving us a slim chance by not granting Ursula opposable thumbs.